Even a relatively oblivious princess such as I know that the world we live in could use some improving. I’m not going to do a long, heartwarming post urging people to donate to the needy, to put down our weapons and embrace our neighbours in harmony. Over done, and it’s not my cup of tea.

Instead, I’m going to poke fun at stupid people. Not the kind who set their crotches on fire and stick it on youtube. I like that kind of stupid. It’s funny.

Rather, I would like to talk about the idiots who have managed to blend into society. First off, I have no idea, where they came from. Perhaps some sort of genetic mutation? ( People, there are more romantic places to conceive than nuclear reactors and microwave warehouses.) Although, I have noticed something about their behaviour.

I discovered that, idiots, like moths to lights, are attracted to Chinese fast food.

Take a moment to let that sink in.



Moving on.

The basis of this observation is not some racist stereotype, but from experience. If you may recall, I dual class as a Princess and a cashier, at a Chinese fast food restaurant. That means I get to meet a huge variety of people, mostly middle-class whites and Filipinos. This also means I get an excellent chance to observe and interact with stupid people.

One of the most common type of idiots are the ones who don’t/can’t read. These are the jackasses who stand in line for 5 minutes, staring at the giant menu on wall, which is really just a list of everything we serve. When offered a real menu, meaning one with a picture and short description of the dishes, they either refuse them and continue staring, or they’ll take it, and point to random items and ask you to paraphrase what’s written.

Or they’re the ones who can’t seem to understand what they read. My favourite encounter with this type happened about a month ago, when a man asked me what the beef brisket noodle soup was.

It is beef brisket, noodle, and soup. What the fuck is so confusing about that? If we named it something stupid like Moo-moo-meat-lump-dough-string-stock-in-a-bowl, then by all means go ahead, question the menu and our sanity.

Then there are the obnoxious types who argue and start fights. For this, I have two examples.

One is the tomater lady, and the other is the angry brown guy.

The lady I’ve only seen once. In fact, I had the honour (lol) of being the only one to have served her. It was her first time here, and seemed quite friendly at first. I think she might have been a tourist, because she spoke with a southern accent. She walked up to counter, picked up a menu, flipped through it then ordered an “eggplant tomater on raice”. She could read. I was estatic. I thought I could classify her as an intelligent being.

While she was doing this, an elderly couple had sat down at one of our booth tables, and the husband was coming to the counter. This is when the lady exploded. Apparently, they had taken the last of the three booths, which tomater-lady, by, divine right, had authority over.


She then walks over to the booth, where the wife was sitting, and demands to know if they were even going to eat here.

When the wife answered yes, tomater lady storms off, grabs her tray, and sits in the “shit seats” next to the booth, and camps there, waiting for them to leave.

In hindsight, I should have thrown her annoying ass out of the restaurant, not because she was causing a commotion, or because she was acting like a jackass, but for fun.

Angry brown guy, unlike tomater lady, picks fights with us, the staff. It’s actually kind of funny too, because he has this really thick accent.

For those of you who don’t know, Toronto now charges a plastic bag tax, where stores must charge a minimum of 5 cents for plastic bags. So, this is what we do. You order take out, we charge you 5 cents for a bag. That’s how we roll. So angry brown guy, apparently works at a convenience store ( :’D ), because he raged when we charged him for a bag.

2 reasons:

One: We charged him

Two: We “overcharged” him

There’s no denying the first offense, I charged him for a plastic bag, but the overcharging thing is completely mathematical. See, numbers don’t work out nicely, and once in a while, you get these little fuckers called decimals $7.17 + tax equals ABOUT $8.10. I say about because it’s not exact. There’s a decimal in there but it’s less than half a penny so it rounds down. This is so you don’t need to rip a penny. Because that’s stupid. Likewise, 5 cents + tax, because everything is calculated by the machine, is ABOUT 5 cents. There’s that little fucker again, and once again, it isn’t enough to round up, so it stays as 5 cents. But those decimals add up, and when they add up, they become close enough to a penny to make a difference. They’re like zerglings, they can’t do shit alone, but when you have enough, it’ll cost you. In this case, it’ll cost you a penny, and this is why angry brown guy is angry. Over a penny.

So I’d love to explain this to him, and let him know we do not actually take that penny, but he always goes off in tantrums before we can do it. In one recent encounter, he brags about the fact that he sells plastic bags, walks off, and comes back with a stack of bags, tosses it on the counter, and goes, HERE! TAKE THE BAGS! FOR FREE, BECAUSE I’M NOT CHEAP LIKE YOU PEOPLE!

So I smiled, and tossed the bags in the garbage can right in front of him. I’m sorry, we can’t use supplies from a source we do not trust. :3

I haven’t seen him since.

This really is a curious phenomenon. I never expected chow mein to lure in the stupidity the way it does, and so I attempted to debunk my observation. I looked at the most common sources of such weird behaviors, and tried to find a rational explanation to this intellectual deficit.

After all, I am a scientific princess.

The restaurant was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Not only is this politically incorrect (not that I care), it really doesn’t explain anything. I’m witnessing stupid people, not vengeful spirits.

The restaurant was built on an ancient retard burial ground.

What the fuck is a retard burial ground?

The food causes a chemical imbalance that lower intelligence.

I don’t think soy sauce is a bio-chemical weapon…

The food was grown on an ancient Indian burial ground.

I can’t really explain it yet, but I do believe stir-fry is a catalyst for stupidity, if not the cause of it. Someday, I will solve this mystery, and liberate the world from idiots and high-cholesterol.

Because I am a humanitarian princess.

Who was raised on an ancient Indian burial ground.

  1. LOL.
    Now I’m kinda afraid to give in my resume..
    Thaaaaaaanks. D:

      • :B
      • February 7th, 2010

      Oh look, I found my account which I haven’t touched since I made it a LONG time ago. :’D

        • wakarimasenlol
        • February 7th, 2010


    • Neko~
    • February 8th, 2010

    Holy Shit~! XD This happened to me when I was working at my family restaurant. This guy comes up to be (I’m at the cash) and he goes “YOUR SERVICE IS HORRIBLE I’LL NEVER COME BACK! YOU DIDN”T BOTHER COMING TO SERVE US” and I was like “Sir… its a buffet, you take a plate and serve YOURSELVES!” he then gives me a look and leaves. I was like…oh well.

      • wakarimasenlol
      • February 8th, 2010

      So when are we coming for food? ;3

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